Saturday, 17 October 2015

Once Upon The Internet By Mercedes Coleen Moss, 2007-07-02

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Once upon the Internet   by Mercedes Coleen Moss

in Entertainment / Humor    (submitted 2007-07-02)

Once upon a time a man lived on a planet called the INTERNET, otherwise known as ONLINE or the WORLDWIDE WEB. It was a wild, spooky planet filled with nations, towns, villages and houses called WEB SITES. Each web site was governed by A WEBMASTER, who was generally addressed as the President, the CEO, Prime Minister, Mayor or even Big Boss. The official government security system of the sites was called SSL, although there were many private firms such as Verisign, Norton, McAFee Suite, BullGuard 6.0 to name a few. You had to be careful with Internet housebreakers who called themselves HACKS and the con men who would try to SCAM people out of their money. Some people would go as far as placing FIREWALLS around their homes in self defense. If this was not enough, the Internet was inhabited by creepy, crawly creatures called WEB CRAWLERS and SPIDERS who would search insidiously for people, places and things. Children always screamed in fright when they saw them. No one wanted to see one, but they wanted to see you. You could remain almost invisible to them unless you OPTIMIZED or put your name in the Internet directory. The Internet police would do SEARCHES to find people and other things online. They used SEARCH ENGINES, a rather frightening vehicle that could make a HIT (not an accident), in seconds.
On a less frightening note, the people who live online would drive from place to place on the busy INTERNET HIGHWAY. They would shout "yahoo" as they passed one another and sometimes slow down to GOOGLE at ADS on billboards(a rather dangerous trend). They had to be particularly careful at major intersections such as COMMISSION JUNCTION, or they could get HIT. They would mainly entertain themselves as they travelled by listening to music and the latest events on RADIO DOT COM, one of the major Internet radio stations. The broadcasting was done mainly in TEXT, the main language of most speakers. HTML was the other Internet language, but most people's eyes would become glassy and begin TO GOOGLE if they heard it, because it was a strange goobly dee dooky kind of thing that only Martians speak.
The people living online deposited their earnings at CLICKBANKS. DOT NETS were their main source of recreation and included games like DOT TENNIS, DOT TABLE TENNIS and DOT VOLLEY BALL. Some people even insisted that SURFING was an all year activity, although others seriously questioned this. Never mind, the SURFERS said, what could be stranger than bogeying all night at BLOGOSPHERE, that crazy Internet disco? I would like to live on this planet. How about you?

About the Author

A prolific writer who laughs at a lot of things
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